Deer Versus Van Accident
Joe Lyons •
December 3, 2024
Deer Versus Van Accident
Ashland County Sheriff’s Office, Savannah Fire Department & EMS, and Nankin and Orange Township EMS responded to State Route 511 near County Road 1104 for a deer versus van accident this afternoon.
No injuries reported, but the airbags deployed after the deer struck the side of the van.
I decided to make a humorous side to this story
BREAKING: Deer Accused of Vehicular Mischief on State Route 511
Nankin, OH — Chaos erupted on State Route 511 near County Road 1104 as a rogue deer collided with a northbound van, setting off airbags and leaving behind nothing but a smear of bodily fluids and one very confused driver. The deer, clearly uninterested in exchanging insurance information, fled the scene, sparking a hunt for the suspect.
Responders from the Ashland County Sheriff’s Office, Savannah Fire Department & EMS, and Nankin and Orange Township EMS arrived quickly to assess the situation. Despite the airbag’s dramatic deployment, the van suffered only minor scratches. The passengers, unharmed but undoubtedly startled, were checked over by EMS and released with no injuries—unless you count a newfound distrust of wildlife.
Sergeant Neff of the Ashland County Sheriff’s Office, a man known for his quick wit, addressed the incident with humor. “If we can locate the deer,” Neff joked, “it’ll be facing charges for failure to yield, leaving the scene of an accident, and Hit & Run Unfortunately, it seems to be operating without a license or fixed address, so this could get complicated.”
The deer in question is described as medium build with brown hair, four legs, and a white tail—a description that matches approximately 98% of the local deer population. Witnesses last saw the suspect bounding into the woods, likely muttering, “Catch me if you can.”
Local wildlife expert Doug “The Buck Whisperer” Carlson weighed in on the event, calling it part of a troubling trend. “These deer are getting bold,” he said. “First, it’s running into vehicles. Next, it’s raids on the bird feeders. We need to set boundaries before it escalates.”
As for the deer, it remains at large. Law enforcement advises motorists to stay vigilant and remember that the woods are full of suspects who may, at any moment, throw caution—and themselves—to the wind.
