“Walk Me Home”: Local Author Opens His Heart on Surviving the Unimaginable
ASHLAND — There are books that teach, books that entertain, and then there are books that bare the human soul. Local author Randy Spade’s new release, Walk Me Home: Surviving the Loss of a Loved One to Suicide with Grace, Grit, and Honesty, belongs to that rare third category.
It is not a manual, nor a clinical textbook. It is the story of a man carrying unbearable loss — twice — and daring to put words to grief that often feels unspeakable.
A Story No One Wants to Tell
In 2011, Randy’s world collapsed when his beloved aunt Angie, who had raised him like a mother, died by suicide. Just seven years later, in 2018, he lost his younger brother Wesley in the same heartbreaking way.
“I remember that first phone call like I was drowning and suffocating at the same time,” Randy shared in a recent interview. “You’re hit with guilt, shame, anger, sadness — all at once. And then, the world doesn’t stop. You still have to call the cable company. You still have to go to work. And inside, you’re shattered.”
Wesley’s death, so sudden and unexpected, left Randy staring at the same “why” that haunts every survivor of suicide loss. “The week before Angie died, she got a tattoo. Wesley was taking photos at the lake the day before. To the outside world, it looked like life was moving on. None of us saw it coming.”
The Impossible Emotions of Survivors
Randy doesn’t shy away from the raw truth: survivors are left with impossible emotions.
“I’ve been angry at them,” he admits. “I’ve screamed, ‘How could you leave me?’ And then I’ve laughed through tears remembering something silly they did. Grief isn’t neat. It’s love with nowhere to go. And the stronger the love, the stronger the anger, the sadness, the shame.”
For him, writing Walk Me Home was not only survival, but a way to give others what he wished he had in those first dark days: a companion.
“It’s the book I needed — someone just to sit beside me and say, ‘You’re not crazy. You’re not alone. What you’re feeling is okay.’”
Breaking the Silence
The pain of suicide often goes unspoken, silenced by shame, discomfort, or fear. Randy believes that silence costs lives.
“People say if we talk about suicide, more people will die. But we’re not talking about it, and people are still dying,” he said. “If someone overhears me say I lost my brother to suicide, maybe they’ll know they’re not alone, maybe they’ll feel safe enough to get help. Talking doesn’t cause suicide. Silence does.”
In 2023, Ashland County hit double digits in suicide deaths for the first time since 2015 — part of a national rise. Behind each statistic is a face, a laugh, a dream, and the people left behind carrying questions with no answers.
Love Stronger Than Loss
Randy is quick to remind people that suicide does not define his loved ones.
“Angie was the glue of our family. She was a writer, she published books. Wesley was outgoing, full of life, with his whole future ahead. I don’t want them remembered as statistics. I want them remembered for the joy they gave, for the love they carried. That’s the legacy.”
For him, the journey of grief has become a journey of connection. “Nobody wants to join the club of suicide survivors. But once you’re here, you learn: we’re everywhere. We’ll answer the phone at 2 a.m. We’ll sit in silence with you. You’re never alone. Not ever.”
A Community Conversation
Spade will host a book signing and conversation at the Ashland Public Library, Stockwell Room, Tuesday, August 26, 2025, from 5:30 to 6:30 p.m. Copies of Walk Me Home will be available in paperback, hardcover, and ebook.
For those who walk the long road of surviving suicide loss, his message is simple and urgent:
“Stay. Just a little longer. You don’t have to have the answers today. You are not alone. And if you can’t carry hope right now, let someone else hold it for you until you can again.”
